Another great day ahead
I don’t know what this day will bring, but I have a feeling it’s going to be a good one.
I pray that you have a great one as well.
Studying the close matters more than we think
As for my work on the risk-removal, closing, and P.S. for The Wall Street Journal letter — I didn’t do too badly.
But the closing is where things slipped slightly.
And that’s worth paying attention to.
The line that caused the problem
This was the sentence that stood out:
“You will enjoy reading these interesting articles.”
Here’s why it doesn’t quite work:
- It predicts the reader’s experience
- It makes a soft promise
- It shifts the tone from authority → persuasion
The original letter never tells the reader how they’ll feel.
That restraint is intentional.
My first practice attempt
Here’s how my first version looked:
Simply fill out the enclosed order card and mail it in the postage-paid envelope provided.
Should The Wall Street Journal not meet your expectations, you may cancel your subscription at any time and receive a refund for the undelivered portion of your subscription.
I cannot promise that reading The Wall Street Journal will guarantee success. What I can promise is the pages are always filled with interesting, useful information. You will enjoy reading these interesting articles. This is a decision only you can make.
Sincerely yours,
Peter R. Kann
Executive Vice President /
Associate Publisher
That one sentence changed the tone of everything around it.
The stronger rewrite
Here was my second attempt:
I cannot promise that reading The Wall Street Journal will guarantee success.
What I can promise is that you will find it consistently interesting, reliable, and useful.
If you feel, as we do, that this is a fair and reasonable proposition, then you may wish to find out for yourself whether The Wall Street Journal can be of value to you.
Sincerely yours,
Peter R. Kann
Executive Vice President /
Associate Publisher
P.S. Please note that the cost of your subscription to The Wall Street Journal may be tax deductible.
This version is stronger — not because it says more, but because it says less.
The real lesson I’m taking forward
What I need to remember is this:
State qualities, not reactions.
Let the reader decide whether they’ll enjoy it.
Let them decide what it’s worth.
Let them arrive at the conclusion themselves.
That’s not weaker copy.
That’s confident copy.
A quiet close
This small adjustment reminded me how easily good copy can drift — and how powerful it becomes again when you pull it back to clarity, restraint, and respect for the reader.
Sometimes the best close isn’t the one that persuades harder.
It’s the one that steps out of the way.